As you may have noticed I am back from a particularly long blogging hiatus. Over four full weeks ( practically a year in the blogging world) of doing anything and everything but blog related tasks. So rather than jump right back in and start blogging without any explanation, I figured I would share a little bit of what I learned from my break. While most bloggers might come back to their blog after a long absence and throw about apologies, I’m not going to do that (this time). This time it’s all about forgiving myself.
That’s right, I’m taking some time to accept my own apology regarding my imperfection. If you haven’t noticed, I have a terrible habit of holding myself to ridiculous standards. I feel like I am constantly being bombarded with the way I should be. Due to modern technology it’s impossible for me to not to want to be like the wives/mothers/women I see on pinterest, Tv and even other blogs from around the net. I even started this blog with the intention of getting my act together so I could be more like these people I want so badly to be like. In fact one of my very first blog posts describes exactly why I started this blog and the main reason is to be the “Dream Housewife” I always wanted to be.
As good as my intentions were I goofed up along the way and began to try to be exactly like these have-it-all-figured-out people. I tried to take on daily blog posts for the 31 days of blogging challenge, which was a big task in and of itself. Plus I had a very new weekly cleaning system I was adjusting to. I was also trying very hard to get a new paleo foods website launched. Which meant making and photographing several new recipes, and editing and tweaking the new site. Any of these tasks alone was a lot for me to take in and of itself, however I still had to take care of all the “normal” everyday things, such as take care of the kids, change diapers, daily clean up/chores, cooking dinner, and answering incoming after hours calls for my Dad’s company. My plate was more than overflowing, with jobs to be done.
Despite my overflowing plate I thought I could handle it all and I kept piling more jobs on myself. Inevitably, I couldn’t handle it all and I quickly started to crash and burn starting with my posting frequency. Then the guilt set in. I started to feel guilty and to berate myself for not being able to get the job done. Of course other things started slipping as well, such as the weekly and daily cleaning plans. This lead to even more anger at myself for not being the superwoman I expected myself to be.
Finally I dropped the ball and hadn’t touched this blog for over a week and was only barely keeping up with the my daily chores. Only the absolutely necessary tasks were getting done. Needless to say, I was down in the dumps, and and I couldn’t seem to get myself out. I kept waiting for my attitude to turn around but it didn’t. I just became more and more angry at myself.
After a week of not blogging and no sign of my missing motivation returning, I gave in and decided it was time for a brief( ok, long) vacation from the blog to sort out the issues I was having.
During the break I continually gave myself a hard time for my recent failures. However I slowly began to let it go. My wonderful husband gave me several nights off to essentially be a bum and veg out with a book and I slowly began to forgive myself for being imperfect. Which is a miracle because I am the queen of giving myself a hard time. All too often I expect myself to be able to do it all.Then I end up burnt out and borderline depressed, because I haven’t taken a break and have berated myself for every little misstep. I’m now back to blogging ( obviously) and I feel so much better. But I didn’t, until I took the time to forgive myself.
Although this is very simple story about a small lesson I learned about self forgiveness I felt it was important to publicly put this out there. Because I have a feeling I’m not the only person out there who struggles with this exact issue. My guess is that too many people out there give themselves a hard time for not being able to juggle XY and Z, just like such and such from down the street. And who knows, maybe “such and such” really does have it all figured out, or maybe she only appears to have it together. Either way the real issue is revealed with how each person deals with failure. If they deal with failure like I do, and continually put themselves down then maybe it’s time to put down the self hate pitch forks and actually start forgiving themselves. Although it’s a very new concept for me, I’m really glad I am finally giving up my self berating ways in exchange for some self forgiveness. It really had made me a much happier person and I’m willing to bet the simple concept will change the lives of others as well.
How do you handle your failures? Is it time you put down your pitch fork in exchange for some forgiveness?